2020-2022
Looking
back on the memory of the dance we shared, ‘neath the stars above, For a
moment, all the world was right, But how could I have known, that you’d ever
say goodbye, And now I’m glad I didn’t know, The way it all would end, the way
it all would go, Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the
pain, But I’d have had to miss the dance. (Arata Antony M, sung by Garth Brooks).
How can I grasp the image I have of you as a kitten bravely squaring up to the vacuum cleaner with the image of your small body lying lifeless by the side of the road, just a few steps away where we lay sleeping? I cannot do it. And in that gap between life and death resides all the pain of grief.
My
dearest darling Hector, my tiny wee baby Siamese kitten, we miss you very very much.
Your beautiful little soul left this life on earth far too soon, leaving your
mum and dada bereft, choking back our pain at your loss because it threatens to
overwhelm us. How unfair life is. You hadn’t even reached your second birthday…
When I reflect on the injustice of your death, I feel anger and blame arise. You were runover by a car that was most likely speeding down our quiet street at dawn. I am enraged, but the truth is that my rage is directionless, without a target. And because there is no target my mind seeks what it must know in my imagination, where the darkest scenarios lurk. How fast was that vehicle moving? Did you suffer? You died alone on that spot where your blood seeped from the wound.
Just
a few steps away from us, and if we had known maybe we could have helped you.
But we are doomed never to know…
It is a gift to be loved by an animal and you gave your dada (and me) all your love and joy at being alive. Your day was dedicated to us, to being where we were. In the garden your delight was to “ambush” us as we walked past the bush where you were habitually hiding or to stretch your paw down from the arbour in the hope of grabbing a “pawful” of hair, usually mine because dada doesn’t have much hair to grab.
My
darling Hector, soon we will have a new kitten and we are going to call him
Hector. He will never compensate for the immensity of your loss because you
were unique, so that wound will never entirely heal. We need him to make us
smile again and to give him all the love we have in our aching hearts for you.
We will love you for all eternity Hector.
